Personal Essay #6

Image captured by Jaz Shahid

I want to take care of you, it has nothing to do with moving away from Philadelphia and dropping roots in suburbia, getting a dog together, and figuring out what we're going to eat for dinner that night, by way by of Epicurious (dot com) on our shared tablet.....

I don't want to change one thing about you, or put a passcode lock on your life. I want to take care of you, and it isn't because of promiscuity or any other ulterior motive. I adore you. Your smile results in a spontaneous combustion of serotonin that blows open the Berlin Walls of cloudiness and doubt in my brain. When you giggle, everyone in the room puts on their widest grin. I want to take care of you, and it isn't because I'm harboring any hidden amorous thought bubble. But this I do have, boundless energy, as I do for all of the close people in my life. I  want to see you peak, it's an infallible bond that feels either cosmic or genetic. I do promise that my motives are pure and aren't leading up to anything else. I want to take care of you, because you give and you give and you give, and at times it doesn't even seem like there's much else left of you to dispense. You're a coal miner of the heart, plundering previously unexplored emotional rifts and unapprehended chasms of love, in order to make sure that the people in your life are tended to. I want to take care of you because it's the seemingly insignificant actions that you've performed that make me smile and realize that some one cares about me. It's the unprompted glasses of water given to me, in my own home when I'm dehydrated. It's the arms wrapped around me, serving as a mental placebo for when i'm off balance. It's the platonic fingers running through my scalp when you scratch me like a puppy, that all leads to feelings of belonging and great discoveries. It's the vocal reminders that I could serve to be a little less anxious. These are the memories that will forever dissipate throughout my subconscious, even when I'm seventy- eight years old and yelling at the kids, from the porch for blasting terrible music. Just know, if you're ever sad, I'll sit around and drink Modelo with you until you feel better. If you're hungry, come over and i'll make you something warm and comforting. If you're broke, ask me for twenty dollars and I'll gladly give it to you. If you're sore, I'll gently rub your muscles. If you need a gut check, I will shower you with brutal honesty. Need to go on a walk? Want a hug or a place to sleep? There really isn't much that I wouldn't do for you, just ask me okay? You're the most unselfish person I know, to the point where it inspires me to do more for the important people in my life. To be more attentive to those around me, to put the people I care about first more often. Being able to make you smile is like a courtesy of the sorts. So, remember to put your weight on me and I'll do my best to take care of you.