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Personal Essay #8

Illustrated by Jacqueline Davis Moranti
Ever look back on a breakup and think to yourself that some of it might have been your fault? Yeah, me neither! It's actually really common for people in relationships and marriages to suffer from passion fueled miscommunications, and in the heat of the moment, it's hard to understand anyone's perspective but your own. Fortunately, relationship experts have decoded a primary theory of communication, a "Love Language."


Just as we grow up speaking a primary language like English, Spanish, or Portuguese, we also grow up speaking a primary love language. Love is given and received through words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. Sometimes I contemplate what my unique love language would be and ask myself, how am I showing my appreciation to others or what am I constantly asking for? I know that when I was in a relationship, I would complain to the other person about more quality time and acts of service. Realizing that helped me to figure out my language of love. You can give and receive love in all five of the languages but the one that will truly resonate more with you, is your primary love language. To figure out someone else's is a task! Inhabitually will you and your partner speak the same language of love, often the reason for many conflicts. Fortunately all five of the languages of love can be learned, and once learned keeping romance alive becomes less of a stress factor. 

When it comes to spending quality time with someone, planning ahead of time is key. "What communicates love is the fact that you give the gift of time and your undivided attention." I've always struggled with making time for others, as an entrepreneur it's quite difficult to add more into an already packed schedule! Between designing, blogging, and working in the office, I barely have time to fit much else in, it's something that I know I need to work on. 

As I get older, I find myself unintentionally steering away from the mind set that I used to have about love and relationships, do not seek it, for it will find you. Without a care, without a nod to the next day, because the present moment is that matters. Now that I'm 26, (I'm not old, but I'm not that young either) I protect my heart more in relationships, I push myself to take things slower and not give too much of myself, even if deep down inside all I want to do is go all the way and do so with much enthusiasm!

I'm pulled in multiple directions and I want to take them all, but after much contemplation I know it's better to settle on a good one or two. It's hard to pinpoint exactly how and why we make certain decisions, but the thing that changes the most as we grow into adulthood is the level of worth of everything around us, it becomes higher, especially our relationships and not to mention our respect towards ourselves. Never sacrifice YOU for another person. Heck, that thinking might be why I'm still single but Que sera, sera! To learn more about the five love languages for yourself check out the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and try the free assessment to figure out your language! Happy Valentine's dear readers! 












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Thanks for the sweet whispers! XO