Raising Confidence

Illustrated by Jacqueline Davis Moranti circa 2010

I've written before about what confidence is, and what makes me feel confident. Confidence is a combination of a natural asset and a learned skill. Everyone has situations when they have to put in some effort to be more confident. Even people who are confident most of the time experience things that make them feel shy or nervous. Learning to be more confident can be harder as an adult. So it's important to encourage confidence in children. Of course, every child is different. Some will find it easier to put themselves out there than others. If you want to raise a confident child, here are some tips to do so. Full disclosure, I don't have children but I feel that you don't need kids to know what's right and what's wrong.

Lead By Example. Children do a lot of their learning through watching and copying adults. It's why you have to be careful with your words and displays of emotion as they grow. It can be very easy for them to pick up on the fact that you're feeling nervous in a situation. Of course, it's natural for you to have and display negative emotions. However, what you choose to do about these feelings is important. If your child sees that you're worried every time you have to do something, they might begin to feel that worry too, either now or later in life. They need to see that you're able to put on a brave face and do something that you find difficult. So working on your own confidence is one of the essential parts of raising a confident child.

Reassurance and Encouragement. Showing children that they are safe gives them more flexibility to do new things. It's easier for them to walk into a situation that worries them if they can see that nothing can go truly wrong. Many daily tasks can make your child nervous and have a lasting impact on them. However, you can help by putting them in environments that are designed to help them flourish. Everything from their school to their dentist's office can help to nurture the confidence they need to succeed in life. At http://www.letssmiledental.com/ you can read about how they help children feel at ease. Just choosing the right dentist could mean they don't have to deal with anxiety when they need to see one later.

Choose When to Stand Up for Them. A parent's natural instinct is to protect their child when they feel that they have been wronged. Sometimes this is appropriate to do when they aren't able to stand up for themselves. For example, they might be getting bullied, and their school isn't doing anything. However, it's also important to encourage them to solve their own problems. They also need to learn that there are some things in life they can't challenge. If they need help to understand a topic at school, you should encourage them to speak to their teacher rather than do it yourself. However, if they get a bad grade, the lesson shouldn't be to argue the teacher into giving them a good one. It should be that they need to try harder next time, or ask for extra help.

Give Them the Power to Make Decisions. A lot of adults struggle to make decisions, even when they're small and insignificant. We worry that we'll get it wrong, from choosing something we don't like at a restaurant to buying a car. Allowing children to make decisions from a young age will help them build confidence. They will learn to trust their own judgment, even if sometimes they don't make the right choice. If you offer them too many choices, however, you could have the opposite effect. It's best to give them two or three things to choose from, to make decisions easier, I know from experience as a young lass! You can let them have the final say on lots of decisions, from what to wear to what snack to have. At https://www.parentmap.com/ you can find out more about helping kids make decisions.

Focus on Optimism. Many adults have the tendency to be a bit too pessimistic. Of course, we might insist that we're realists. But always seeing the negative side of things doesn't make you a very confident person. Some children are more predisposed to be hard on themselves or feel disappointment. But it's important to encourage them to see the bright side when things go wrong. They don't have to be Pollyanna but they should learn to recognize their efforts and find the good in things. If they have suffered a failure, they can place their focus on making a plan to get it right next time.

Encourage Interests. Having pride and confidence in doing something you love is good for anyone. However, some children can feel discouraged if they're not interested in or skilled at all the "usual" stuff, like art or sports. It's important to try and introduce them to a broad range of activities they can try. Perhaps they don't enjoy art, but they might discover they like coding. Of course, not everyone can afford to send their child to different classes. However, you don't have to rely on paid lessons. You can find lots of opportunities to try things for free to get a taste of something that they might enjoy doing. In Philadelphia, free activities are in abundance!

Give Them Responsibilities. Feeling responsible for things can help children to feel more confident. Being allowed and encouraged to make decisions can help with this. Children can also have tasks they are responsible for each day or week. For example, it might be their job to feed the cat or take the trash out. They can also gain a lot of confidence from having the opportunity to help others. It could be in small ways like helping their teacher at school. Or they could spend some time volunteering with you. You can also ask them to assist you with tasks they wouldn't be able to do on their own. The help they provide doesn't have to be anything important.

A confident child can turn into a confident adult. Not every child is naturally confident, but they can be taught to be surer of themselves. The power of positivity within you can touch others and truly reflect with kids. Dear readers, how do you help children feel more confident?