Personal Essay #9

Photography by Cheyenne Gil

I knew I was different, I had to grow up a lot faster because I was different. Even the school kids would push me to be different because any other way was just unacceptable. So how could I not be at odds with what the world seemed to be pushing me towards? This is something that most "hyphenated" people deal with, our parents' generation seemed to have lost their culture, or even have had them taken away. Our generation--- my generation is fumbling around for it, myself included. Being Latino means being part of a rich, diverse culture but with the current Hispanic mainstream, you have to wonder, does it?

Latinos of both genders come in many shapes, sizes and complexions, but that doesn't stop our stop society from lumping us into one category. Take for instance, Latina women are often portrayed in the mainstream media as long, straight hair and fairer skin and frequently referred as "Spicy" such as Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Mendes, Roselyn Sanchez, and so on. When girls grow up with few or even none of those stereotypical characteristics, they tend to feel out of place in the world especially when their own peers tell them that "If your hair looked like this.." or "If your skin was more like that..." "If you had more of an accent then...." 

As a darker skinned Latina (Venezuelan father, Dominican mother), growing up was tough because I struggled with my identity, I associated beauty with all of the fairer skinned Hispanic women I knew. I had to learn to embrace being comfortable in my own skin, and what a battle that was. From maintaining straight locks via monthly chemical treatments to avoiding being in the sun to much and even skipping out on family rendezvous to attend alt rock concerts with friends just to fit in. Little did I know that I was doing the opposite of embracing my culture, and most importantly me. That old adage of stereotyping Latino aesthetics into one category needs to go away, because we are a diverse people. I will often hear, "Oh you're not black enough because of your hair, or you're not Latina enough because of this..." Something I learned recently is that insecurity will always challenge your identity. 

Today, I know not to let colorism get in my way, or keep me from loving myself. I'm embracing my thick mane, curls and all, embracing my darker skin, in the sun and out, embracing my american accented Spanish when speaking with older Hispanics and everything there is to know about my Dominican and Venezuelan roots. Yes, racially I am black, but I identify 100% as a Latina woman. No one should judge a book by the cover before reading the contents because looks can be deceiving. I have the quincineras, telenovelas, merengue dances, and platano dishes to accentuate what makes me, me. As we enter Hispanic American Month, I'm standing up for myself and educating people that, "Esto es mi y soy feliz en mi propia piel"/ "This is me, and I'm happy in my own skin."