Personal Essay #14

Illustrated By Jacqueline Davis Moranti

Change is hard. It doesn't matter how adventurous you are or how "ready" you think you are for it. It's always challenging especially once you notice it begin to happen. I truly believe we all desperately want change and then when it happens we freak TF out and start to back pedal because maybe somewhere deep down inside, we didn't think it was actually ever going to happen. Or maybe we just like to complain all the time and blame external forces for the situations we have become complacent in.

In any event, I have surprised myself. Quite honestly, I never cease to which keeps my relationship with myself very interesting. In the midst of a move and feeling pretty anxious while also absolutely loving change. I know that I have one life to live and I want to maximize every minute of it. I love the idea of an unknown journey and all of the possibilities that it may lend. Nevertheless, I have spent two weeks being irritable, stressed, emotional and resistant to this change. I am sure there are lots of underlying reasons causing this. The primary driver and constant reason would be fear. Of course, there is fear that comes with the unknown, what we can't control and the sense of no longer belonging. The truth is that even if I stand still, I can find 1,000 things to be fearful of right here and now. There is nothing we can per say "control" in life nor should we truly want to. As a result, I will be following this mantra this week and honestly beyond. I plan on jumping in head first and dancing versus standing still. I will put on some dancing shoes and simply float with it.